I logged on to facebook and saw your year thing which is trending now and pondered to myself …how has the year been?

Suddenly I was transported back to the Watch night service of 2013 where it was declared our year of upgrade and my Pastor read Isaiah 54. I was elated, so excited, as I knew the word was for me. I was entering 2014 victorious, fruitful as that was all I heard. I knew I was going to be carrying my babies this year 2014. So, spiritually lifted, I entered the year expectant,  heart, mind and eyes wide open.

I waited, and then it was January ending, I waited and then it was February ending, March,  April, May and behold my marriage was 10 years. I looked at my plans for my 10year anniversary and in it I had kids who were flower girls and page boys for my second walk down the isle…hmmmm….renewal of our vows, rededicating our lives over again, moi in my very white wedding gown, voluptuous angelic and heavenly …a gown I chose for myself this time and dh in his crisp suit, sauve and sexy as ever…..a rude shudder brought me back to my reality with questions, now, does God really exist, does He? I thought to myself amidst the torrent of tears that I had no control over, if He does, surely He must feel my pain and know that it is horrible and answer me just because…..

Then, I sank lower than I ever have, depressed, feeling dejected, rejected and alone, dh, God bless his heart, tried to reach me, but I was blocked off by this wall of depression, I was sad, oh, I was angry. Angry at the Government for not providing simple amenities, angry at clients who asked too many questions, turned down and lost some jobs as I could not get myself together, angry at everything and angry I could do nothing about it… I sank the more, moody, lost, alone….I was affected, my business was affected…

I managed to go to church, dh won’t have it any other way, and I was closed off, my eyes rolling as pastor preached, ‘I have heard this before, what has my faith gotten me? I can’t even pray and He gives me a simple baby!’ Then, I see new borns and young mothers and I am more angry, ‘why does she get and I don’t?’ I signed out, gloomy and gone. Oh, I still communicated, went about, did what I could, but I was depressed. I started seeking to go back and see a shrink,(oh yes I did speak to one previously when I contemplated suicide) and I realised this time, sbe might prescribe antidepressants. So I came up with a plan, work on my goals and what I could do, lose weight, read books, learn something, travel.  This worked, I can say to an extent, exercise did a whole lot of good and the travel was soothing, dh did good on that, and I got back refreshed and feeling a lot better. 

And then came December, on the first day of the month, Mrs. Anxiety came Knocking again,  I was losing weight but had stopped exercising, ‘what happened?’ You might ask, I was in a race against time, I needed to achieve pregnancy and I strived, spiritually, physically….all what not. Phew. I became exhausted, always feeling tired, with this sinking feeling, until today, I had to tell myself around 2am at the bathroom mirror, mirror, ‘girl you are alive, God does not work with man’s timetable, certainly not your timetable. I realised age is but a number in God’s timetable, what I consider as a miracle which I want, is to Him a piece of cake, normal in His Kingdom. And for the first time through 2014, today, I gave it all up, the apprehension, anxiety, feeling of loss and failure, sadness and gloom….I gave it all up.

I won’t say, I’m not slightly anxious of 2015, but I feel much better, though the world is counting the years for me or my age, I work with God’s time from now on. I truly do not want to over spiritualise this….I just feel in the world, there is a higher power, I chose to believe God is the higher power and I give it all up. It doesn’t mean I will stop crying or feeling lonely but when I do, I give it all up. And so, I saw the true meaning of Isaiah 54, please read a few  verses below and read all when you can:

“Sing, barren woman,
    you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
    you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
    than of her who has a husband,”
says the Lord.
“Enlarge the place of your tent,
    stretch your tent curtains wide,
    do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
    strengthen your stakes.
For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
    your descendants will dispossess nations
    and settle in their desolate cities.
“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
    Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
    and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
For your Maker is your husband—
    the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
    he is called the God of all the earth.
The Lord will call you back
    as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
    only to be rejected,” says your God.
“For a brief moment I abandoned you,
    but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
In a surge of anger
    I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
    I will have compassion on you,”
    says the Lord your Redeemer.

God has changed my status, I am in God’s realm child or not. So, as I always do every year, I put my hands forward and ask God to take my hands and lead me into the Year 2015. No matter what it holds, I pray for grace, never to let go of His hands or Him of mine. As I end this, I want to write my goals out for the new year, I have been in a battle with God, asking ‘what’s the point of writing goals, when the crucial ones I write each year I have not been able to achieve?’….today, He said, daughter of mine, you are not a failure because you do not have a child, far from it, you are victorious in Me. I read something somewhere that just caps it all: So, I turn from contemplating David’s example to ask myself…Can I, in my circumstances, “hope in the Lord”? Can I wait in faith and patience without fretting and without questioning God’s wisdom? Can I trust Him while He works in me His good, acceptable, and perfect will? Selah




I got a visit from a wonderful friend, Omotara who got in sad and almost closed to tears after seeing her Gynecologist, had fun as I would say, because we laughed, cried, shared encouragements and most importantly learned a lot from doing research and sharing doctor notes and diagnosis.  She has been trying to conceive for 12 years now and it’s been one story to the other. She had a Myomectomy surgery and afterwards was told of a condition she has called Adenomyosis.  Now that wasn’t the first time I have heard that name, a friend told me his wife was told same thing two years ago. So I decided to ask my doctor friends about it and also did some research. I thought it would be great info for us to have and learn about.


Photo courtesy google

Adenomyosis is a condition where the endometrial tissue, which normally lines the uterus, exists within and grows into the muscular wall of the uterus. This happens most often late in your childbearing years especially after having children. However, statistics shows that it is now very common in women who have issues with infertility; it is however not the cause of infertility but could affect it if you have endometriosis as well. Adenomyosis is very different from endometriosis — another condition in which the uterine lining becomes implanted outside the uterus — although women with Adenomyosis often also have endometriosis. The cause of Adenomyosis remains unknown. For women who experience severe discomfort from Adenomyosis, certain treatments can help, but hysterectomy is the only cure.

Another study says Adenomyosis is a condition that can affect a woman’s fertility if it develops during her childbearing years, but research is still preliminary, and questions about the impact of the condition on conception rates and pregnancy risks currently remain unanswered. Women with Adenomyosis have higher miscarriage rates than women without the condition, as much as double the risk of pregnancy loss, and they also appear to have an increased risk of premature labor and abruptio placentae (a condition when the placenta detaches from the uterine wall during pregnancy). Women trying to get pregnant may find that gonadotropin releasing hormone agonists (GnRH-a), such as Lupron, or aromatase inhibitors help reduce symptoms, while preserving and perhaps improving fertility, this is close to what has been prescribed to Omotara.


Women who want to get pregnant may also consider non-hysterectomy surgical options such as cytoreductive surgery, laparoscopic surgery, uterine artery embolization (which shrinks the damage by cutting off the blood flow to the affected area) and endometrial ablation (which reduces or removes the lining of the uterus). A relatively new non-invasive procedure called magnetic resonance-guided focused ultrasound (MRgFUS) — in which a concentrated burst of ultrasound energy destroys damaged cells without harming surrounding tissue — also shows promise as a fertility-restoring treatment for women with Adenomyosis who want to become pregnant.

Omotara has always complained of her bulging tummy which made a lot of people ask her if she was pregnant, that was more painful especially when she was not. She finally understood as we read together some of the symptoms of Adenomyosis which is said to be silent and most times goes undetected except when one is querying some causes of infertility as in her case, these include very heavy menstrual flow, dysmenorrheal which is severe cramping during your periods, such cramps lasts through out your period, in some cases bleeding between periods and pain during intercourse. Most importantly your uterus may double or triple in size. Although you might not know if your uterus is enlarged, you may notice that your lower abdomen seems bigger or feels tender.

Her Doctor told her Adenomyosis is common in women between the ages of 35 and 50 because it is between these ages that women have an excess of estrogen (Child bearing age). There is no known cause, a lot of people just have different theories ranging from the direct invasion of endometrial cells from the surface of the uterus into the muscle that forms the uterine walls; other experts hypothesize that Adenomyosis originates within the uterine muscle from endometrial tissue deposited there when the uterus first formed in the female fetus while a recent theory proposes that bone marrow stem cells may invade the uterine muscle, causing Adenomyosis. I read the risk factor here includes having a uterine surgery like Myomectomy or C-Section during childbirth and middle age.

Although not harmful, the pain and excessive bleeding associated with Adenomyosis can have a negative effect on your lifestyle. You may find yourself avoiding activities that you previously enjoyed because you have no idea when or where you might start bleeding. Painful periods can cause you to miss work and can strain relationships. Recurring pain can lead to depression, irritability, anxiety, anger and feelings of helplessness. That’s why it’s important to seek medical evaluation if you suspect you may have Adenomyosis.

If you experience prolonged, heavy bleeding, chronic anemia may result. When you notice such, it is advisable to see a doctor soon; arm yourself with questions such as how is Adenomyosis diagnosed? How much experience do you have in diagnosing and treating Adenomyosis? Are there any medications I can take to improve my symptoms? What side effects can I expect from medication use? Under what circumstances do you recommend surgery? Will I take a medication before or after surgery? Could my condition affect my ability to become pregnant? Are there any alternative treatments I might try?

Mostly treatments include painkillers, hormonal therapies or the total removal of the uterus if the bleeding is life threatening and one has had children. A good gynecologist will tell you which way to go after diagnosis. It is important to note like I told Omotara that with Adenomyosis, you can still have children as nothing can stop God’s words to manifest in your life only believe. I will definitely be giving you her testimony when she finally has children.

When you want to get pregnant, every month that passes without a positive pregnancy test can seem like a lifetime. Checking yourself (medical checks) is not a lack of faith. Have you had any of these symptoms, have you seen a doctor? What is your diagnosis? What of a second opinion as I told Omotara? Please share your experiences here and don’t forget to share the blog with a friend.

PS: Good to read, using Google you can learn a whole lot, but always confirm with your doctor before using any medication or procedure. Do not take herbal medicines without consulting your doctor.




Prayer doubles IVF success rate – Emma Young

I read this on free republic written by Emma Young and it is amazing that they use science to prove God’s power, that His power exists and that prayer is a potent tool to access the thrown of grace and answered prayers. Please read:-


Prayer can double the success rate of IVF treatments, according to a double blind study published in the respected Journal of Reproductive Medicine.

A team in the US asked groups of people around the world to pray for pregnancy in one half of almost 200 women undergoing the fertility treatment in South Korea. The prayer groups were given only photographs of the women, and the women were unaware of the study.

Despite controls for age, length of infertility, type of infertility and number of prior attempts to become pregnant following IVF, 50 per cent of the women who were prayed for became pregnant, compared with 26 per cent of women in the control group. An independent statistician in the US had randomised the women into the two groups.

“Several factors are known to either positive or negatively affect the success of IVF procedures. The majority of physicians however would not consider prayer intervention to be one of the them,” write the team, led by Rogerio Lobo at Columbia University in New York. “We set out with the expectation that we would show no benefit of prayer.”

Power of prayer

The study took place between December 1998 and March 1999. The 199 women were aged from 26 to 46 and were treated at the Cha General Hospital in Seoul

Members of various Christian denominations in the US, Canada and Australia were given photographs of half the women, in batches of five at a time.

They were asked to either to pray directly for an increased pregnancy rate in these women, or to pray that these prayers would be effective. The prayers continued throughout the three-week course of IVF treatment.

The fertilisation rates in each group of women were similar. But the embryo implantation rate was significantly higher in the prayer group. The number of multiple pregnancies was also higher in this group.


Post can be found here – http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/540561/posts


Hope you enjoyed reading and it renewed your faith! Hugs!!


Is she your mother? Issues of weight and infertility

I had a wonderful day with a good friend some months back and we went shopping later on in the day. We went into a shop and she was trying out cloths when another shopper saw our banter smiled and asked my friend who is a year older than me, ‘is she your mother?’. I froze…almost burst into tears, I was sad and became distant and wanted nothing more than to get out of the shop; yea we all smiled at the silly statement from the clueless lady but I did not try any cloths as I didn’t want to undress in front of any of them.


The picture shows me and my friend who was called my daughter! LoL!!

Loads of other people have commented on my ‘weight’ over the years; my Doctor told me to lose some wight as I was way above BMI, however, I had no issues with my blood sugar, neither was my cholesterol high! According to her, I am as strong and healthy as ever, except for my BMI. The Doctor said the irony was that she just saw a skinny lady before me who had so many complications and would give anything to be as healthy as I was. I give God glory for that, as I do not take this for granted. I went out one day with hubby and someone said,’Alfa ru ijo sanra’, it means the congregation is getting fatter while the Pastor is losing weight’. I laughed it off at the time but it hurt.

Thus I decided to do it, like my friend called it, drop it for life! Yes, as we speak I have reduced my food portions! And I am doing my exercises(though stressful I must say) but  I am moving on without fail, God help me.

This brings me to weight and fertility. I have heard from good sources that for some people actually being over weight can cause infertility issues. So, if you are on the big side, do get your self checked to ascertain of your weight is not the issue here. If you have a BMI of above 28, your chances of getting pregnant is greatly reduced.

A friend told me recently that she was diagnosed with PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome), one of the more common causes of infertility in Nigeria today according to a Gynecologist, this she said was connected to her gaining and subsequently not being able to lose weight. In other words, the very thing that is causing fertility problems for her may also be why she is having trouble losing weight or maintaining a healthy BMI.

I am sure there are other things associated with weight and fertility, feel free to share so everyone can learn. First things first is to calculate your bmi, I use my fitness pal to do this, so you can join here and use there resources – http://www.myfitnesspal.com/tools/bmi-calculator – I can assure you that you will enjoy it.

Don’t get me wrong folks, I still believe that big is sexy and fabulous!!!


**Picture here is my friend Ayo, the sexy diva!!!