2014

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I logged on to facebook and saw your year thing which is trending now and pondered to myself …how has the year been?

Suddenly I was transported back to the Watch night service of 2013 where it was declared our year of upgrade and my Pastor read Isaiah 54. I was elated, so excited, as I knew the word was for me. I was entering 2014 victorious, fruitful as that was all I heard. I knew I was going to be carrying my babies this year 2014. So, spiritually lifted, I entered the year expectant,  heart, mind and eyes wide open.

I waited, and then it was January ending, I waited and then it was February ending, March,  April, May and behold my marriage was 10 years. I looked at my plans for my 10year anniversary and in it I had kids who were flower girls and page boys for my second walk down the isle…hmmmm….renewal of our vows, rededicating our lives over again, moi in my very white wedding gown, voluptuous angelic and heavenly …a gown I chose for myself this time and dh in his crisp suit, sauve and sexy as ever…..a rude shudder brought me back to my reality with questions, now, does God really exist, does He? I thought to myself amidst the torrent of tears that I had no control over, if He does, surely He must feel my pain and know that it is horrible and answer me just because…..

Then, I sank lower than I ever have, depressed, feeling dejected, rejected and alone, dh, God bless his heart, tried to reach me, but I was blocked off by this wall of depression, I was sad, oh, I was angry. Angry at the Government for not providing simple amenities, angry at clients who asked too many questions, turned down and lost some jobs as I could not get myself together, angry at everything and angry I could do nothing about it… I sank the more, moody, lost, alone….I was affected, my business was affected…

I managed to go to church, dh won’t have it any other way, and I was closed off, my eyes rolling as pastor preached, ‘I have heard this before, what has my faith gotten me? I can’t even pray and He gives me a simple baby!’ Then, I see new borns and young mothers and I am more angry, ‘why does she get and I don’t?’ I signed out, gloomy and gone. Oh, I still communicated, went about, did what I could, but I was depressed. I started seeking to go back and see a shrink,(oh yes I did speak to one previously when I contemplated suicide) and I realised this time, sbe might prescribe antidepressants. So I came up with a plan, work on my goals and what I could do, lose weight, read books, learn something, travel.  This worked, I can say to an extent, exercise did a whole lot of good and the travel was soothing, dh did good on that, and I got back refreshed and feeling a lot better. 

And then came December, on the first day of the month, Mrs. Anxiety came Knocking again,  I was losing weight but had stopped exercising, ‘what happened?’ You might ask, I was in a race against time, I needed to achieve pregnancy and I strived, spiritually, physically….all what not. Phew. I became exhausted, always feeling tired, with this sinking feeling, until today, I had to tell myself around 2am at the bathroom mirror, mirror, ‘girl you are alive, God does not work with man’s timetable, certainly not your timetable. I realised age is but a number in God’s timetable, what I consider as a miracle which I want, is to Him a piece of cake, normal in His Kingdom. And for the first time through 2014, today, I gave it all up, the apprehension, anxiety, feeling of loss and failure, sadness and gloom….I gave it all up.

I won’t say, I’m not slightly anxious of 2015, but I feel much better, though the world is counting the years for me or my age, I work with God’s time from now on. I truly do not want to over spiritualise this….I just feel in the world, there is a higher power, I chose to believe God is the higher power and I give it all up. It doesn’t mean I will stop crying or feeling lonely but when I do, I give it all up. And so, I saw the true meaning of Isaiah 54, please read a few  verses below and read all when you can:

“Sing, barren woman,
    you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
    you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
    than of her who has a husband,”
says the Lord.
“Enlarge the place of your tent,
    stretch your tent curtains wide,
    do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
    strengthen your stakes.
For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
    your descendants will dispossess nations
    and settle in their desolate cities.
“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
    Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
    and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
For your Maker is your husband—
    the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
    he is called the God of all the earth.
The Lord will call you back
    as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
    only to be rejected,” says your God.
“For a brief moment I abandoned you,
    but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
In a surge of anger
    I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
    I will have compassion on you,”
    says the Lord your Redeemer.

God has changed my status, I am in God’s realm child or not. So, as I always do every year, I put my hands forward and ask God to take my hands and lead me into the Year 2015. No matter what it holds, I pray for grace, never to let go of His hands or Him of mine. As I end this, I want to write my goals out for the new year, I have been in a battle with God, asking ‘what’s the point of writing goals, when the crucial ones I write each year I have not been able to achieve?’….today, He said, daughter of mine, you are not a failure because you do not have a child, far from it, you are victorious in Me. I read something somewhere that just caps it all: So, I turn from contemplating David’s example to ask myself…Can I, in my circumstances, “hope in the Lord”? Can I wait in faith and patience without fretting and without questioning God’s wisdom? Can I trust Him while He works in me His good, acceptable, and perfect will? Selah

LET ME BE THE FIRST TO WISH YOU A HAPPY NEW YEAR 2015! !!!

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Confessing His word…

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I talked about scriptures that promise fruitfulness, I have now gotten round to gathering them together, I have used biblegateway to source the scriptures, a lot of friends, family gave me these and I use them all the time, anytime whether my high or low times, and I get refreshed and at peace.

I have also used the New King James version, my Pastor’s favorite version. lol.  Key in your name and  personalise these, the word works. I believe it! The bible says, He honours His word above His name. Hope these helps you too:

Numbers 23:19-20
God is not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do?
Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good? Behold, I have received a command to bless; He has blessed, and I cannot reverse it.

Deuteronomy 7:9
Therefore know that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments

Deuteronomy 7:13
And He will love you and bless you and multiply you; He will also bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your land, your grain and your new wine and your oil, the increase of your cattle and the offspring of your flock, in the land of which He swore to your fathers to give you.

Deuteronomy 7:14
You shall be blessed above all peoples; there shall not be a male or female barren among you or among your livestock.

Deuteronomy 7:15
And the Lord will take away from you all sickness, and will afflict you with none of the terrible diseases of Egypt which you have known, but will lay them on all those who hate you.

Deuteronomy 28:4
Blessed shall be the fruit of your body, the produce of your ground and the increase of your herds, the increase of your cattle and the offspring of your flocks.

Deuteronomy 28:11
And the Lord will grant you plenty of goods, in the fruit of your body, in the increase of your livestock, and in the produce of your ground, in the land of which the Lord swore to your fathers to give you.

Psalm 1:3
He shall be like a tree, planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper.

Psalm 115:14
May the Lord give you increase more and more, You and your children.

Psalm 127:3
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Psalm 128:3
Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, your children like olive plants all around your table.

Psalm 128:6
Yes, may you see your children’s children. Peace be upon Israel!

Isaiah 40:8
The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever.

Isaiah 8:18
Here am I and the children whom the Lord has given me! We are for signs and wonders in Israel from the Lord of hosts,
Who dwells in Mount Zion.

Jeremiah 32:27
Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?

Psalm 127:3-5
Children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of tthe womb is his reward, Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

Psalm 144:12
That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth; That our daughters may be as pillars, Sculptured in palace style;

Psalm 113:9
He grants the barren woman a home, Like a joyful mother of children. Praise the Lord!

Genesis 48:4
‘Behold, I will make you fruitful and multiply you, and I will make of you a multitude of people, and give this land to your descendants after you as an everlasting possession.’

Leviticus 26:9
For I will look on you favorably and make you fruitful, multiply you and confirm My covenant with you.

Genesis 28:3
May God Almighty bless you, And make you fruitful and multiply you, That you may be an assembly of peoples

Joel 2:25-26
So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, The crawling locust, The consuming locust,
And the chewing locust, My great army which I sent among you. You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied,
And praise the name of the Lord your God, Who has dealt wondrously with you;And My people shall never be put to shame.

Psalm 138:8
The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.

Genesis 18:14
Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.

Jeremiah 1:12
Then the Lord said to me, “You have seen well, for I am ready to perform My word.

I am sure there are more, please feel free to add your special scripture to the list and share with us.

Prayer doubles IVF success rate – Emma Young

I read this on free republic written by Emma Young and it is amazing that they use science to prove God’s power, that His power exists and that prayer is a potent tool to access the thrown of grace and answered prayers. Please read:-

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Prayer can double the success rate of IVF treatments, according to a double blind study published in the respected Journal of Reproductive Medicine.

A team in the US asked groups of people around the world to pray for pregnancy in one half of almost 200 women undergoing the fertility treatment in South Korea. The prayer groups were given only photographs of the women, and the women were unaware of the study.

Despite controls for age, length of infertility, type of infertility and number of prior attempts to become pregnant following IVF, 50 per cent of the women who were prayed for became pregnant, compared with 26 per cent of women in the control group. An independent statistician in the US had randomised the women into the two groups.

“Several factors are known to either positive or negatively affect the success of IVF procedures. The majority of physicians however would not consider prayer intervention to be one of the them,” write the team, led by Rogerio Lobo at Columbia University in New York. “We set out with the expectation that we would show no benefit of prayer.”

Power of prayer

The study took place between December 1998 and March 1999. The 199 women were aged from 26 to 46 and were treated at the Cha General Hospital in Seoul

Members of various Christian denominations in the US, Canada and Australia were given photographs of half the women, in batches of five at a time.

They were asked to either to pray directly for an increased pregnancy rate in these women, or to pray that these prayers would be effective. The prayers continued throughout the three-week course of IVF treatment.

The fertilisation rates in each group of women were similar. But the embryo implantation rate was significantly higher in the prayer group. The number of multiple pregnancies was also higher in this group.

 

Post can be found here – http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/540561/posts

 

Hope you enjoyed reading and it renewed your faith! Hugs!!